End of April

It’s like you’re dancing in perfect joy and peace and somebody disturbs you, telling you how imperfect you are. And then you fall…

You stopped dancing, and you look at yourself in the mirror…

This is me lately.

I remember on the same month last year, I impulsively applied for a job in Manila. I got an interview invitation. But a few days later, I got rejected from moving the appointment date too late.

The last message I received was “good luck anyway…”

That was a good try, I told myself back then.

And now, I’m working for almost 9 months on that very same company. This is the first work that went beyond 4 months. I don’t know if it’s an accident but I believe this happened for a reason.
From Cebu, I moved to Manila.
From living in a solo room at my parents’ house, I am now renting a bed space of 5 people in one room in a building just across my workplace.
From spending my parents’ money, I now use the money I got from my paycheck.

Things have changed suddenly. Maybe, not all things. Just the location.

I’m still me. My God is still my God. But it doesn’t stop there. The me before have been meeting conflicts in uncomfortable situations and difficult people. And my God showed how He has been working on those conflict situations and people, even in my heart–my character.

The changes have been good. I may not have experienced the mainstream moment that in your early twenties, you’ve landed a job that made you a regular employee.
At the age of 25, I just started the independence that a lot of people would call “adulting”.

Truly, it’s exciting, yet enduring. I feel like I was learning how to dance. Step by step. The music will start playing in the midst of silence, and there, you dance in grace, even if you do not know how to, but the melody will lead you..

But then as I told you in my prologue, I fell…

“Kumusta? Kailan ka na magtatrabaho?” This is the question (rather a demand, I say) every day on the year where I wasn’t able to get a job (the job that they wanted for me).
Except the fact that I got sick twice that made me stay at home for months. All I know is I was working, I am working at that time. I was selfishly working on my own . The desire to be a freelance creative, that was what I’m doing. Tho it was internal and slow-paced, they really cannot see my output. They were impatient, I got discouraged, so let’s go back to the Once upon a time story I told you…

I got the job now. That answers the question.

“Uli na.” Now, these are the new words I hear…

I fell from dancing. They were telling encouraging words to get me back to comfort because it’s for my own good. But all I hear are the words of prejudice and discouragement.

I just fell. I’m hearing the melody overlapping the distracting voices.
I stood still in that mirror.. I forgot how to dance again. Or maybe I’m afraid. But…

‘2 Timothy 1:7’

Why am I afraid?

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