November 27, 2016
I found myself standing far at the stage, while carrying two bags on both sides of my shoulders. There were empty chairs but I froze there at the back, listening to the melody. There were group of people having stringed instruments and there was a conductor. The stage was placed in the middle of the mall where people passes by, and I just happened to pass by and stopped. I fixed my eyes on the stage and just listened as my thoughts were flowing together with the notes that were played. I know it was just a small performance that I long to witness and just be still. My thoughts have gone by and even went on through the stillness of wanting to experience more of this stillness. Have I been too disturbed these past months that I even forgot to listen to a good melody. And my thoughts even went to a longing of being part of a group just like this group of people playing. Am I playing my part? or I’m still out of tune that I need more practice? Am I listening to the instructions of the conductor? Have I been listening? Or I cant concentrate because it’s too noisy? Just like the people around that were passing by and never going to stop and even notice about the performance.
Why do I feel disconnected when I know I am connected? Sometimes I think that if I am part of the body, then maybe I am a part where I am not one of the fingers. Because there has to be five of them in each hand. Or maybe, I cannot be the ear, or the eyes, because they have to be in pairs. I do not know but maybe I am designed by God to be so different.
Those were my thoughts then. And then a woman entered the stage where they call her the soprano. I kept standing still and listened, as my thoughts went to even asking myself what I will eat for dinner. Then I even thought of you who might be doing the same, in some place, in a different time.
And then I realized that tomorrow will be my birthday, but weirdly, I do not have the frills. It’s not that I am not happy, but each day is like a gift given to me and tomorrow will just be a reminder how God extended my life here on earth for me to work on His great commission. It doesn’t actually tell me about how successful I should be right now that I will be going on my mid twenties. I am reminded even of this desire to write all my thoughts, write something for the Lord, write about Him, write stories about His works in my life. Now, I’m asking myself again–have I been telling stories about Him to people? Have I been a real witness? Have I really known about Him enough?
Now, I left the floor and walked home. Tried buying the sandwich that you always buy at the convenience store.