One month have passed..
Things have changed…
when I have been seeing myself on a rush hour in line with other people with umbrellas, waiting and catching up for a ride.
While I was standing still..
an empty jeep passes by and these people behind me ran so fast..
And everything seemed fast but I stood still..
It flashes back to a question to myself about..Why am I here?
I can hear a loud heartbeat in my chest as I zoomed out the map that I have seen myself being transferred to a different location. I have felt like google earth was showing to me his perspective on me. He just documented a picture on me.
Then a montage just swiped from down to up into my eyes..
Pictures of heavy flood and para pos and red warning lights lining up the highway. I can hear the sound of pain of my right toe complaining from a thousand steps I had.
And right now, I can sense a tear drop rolling along my right cheek as I munch a mini magic flakes crackers with a ladie’s choice chicken spread in it, while I sip my coffee. I do not know why my heart has been somewhat moved somewhere, I just know that I’m in a different place, living alone and away from my family, going to work alone, eating alone, taking care of myself alone.
All I can think right now is how much the difference I was a month ago compared to now. Is this what you call the transition phase? Is this nostalgia like 2 years ago? Or just plain homesick?
But all I can say is that.. I am really not alone. God has been with me always, whenever, wherever I am. He has proved to me his faithfulness. Though I may be feeling out of my comfort zone again, I feel peace and joy in my heart each day because of His unending grace and love.
I feel honestly shaken right now that I stop every minute, every worry, every weakness and hard situation.. and just prayed.
I know that He will never leave me. Because He is my Shepherd, I will never be in need. He will lead me along the right path. I may walk through valleys as dark as death but I will never be afraid. He is with me. He will always make me feel safe. (Ps 23)
Thank you, Father God.